Your Mother

What she taught me
from the time of my birth
was that I did not belong here
at least not on your earth

she made me believe
that pain meant love
one of the hardest things
I’ve had to rise above

I looked for her along the way
through the women that I’d pick
trying to find the familiar pain
of a love that was really sick

profoundly it shaped
the path in my life
brought me to the first
and then my second wife

gone they are now
like clouds bearing rain
dropping their teardrops
inevitably leaving a stain

and now at my age
I can see a little clearer
if I were like her
I’d avoid every mirror

looking for things
to make it all better
a call, an email
maybe a letter

perhaps it’s best
not to share this with you
no pain I want inflicted
just to make you blue

nor reason to hold you
to actions of long past
a lifetime has surely taught me
the wounds of a child last

so therein lays a gift
a thing I’m glad to know
my kids have received the benefit
from all the love I show

your path I do not envy
nor mine do I regret
it lead me straight to God
how could I possibly be upset?

no father I could call upon
in younger times of need
spiritual awareness deep inside
planted there a seed

to the bed you bound me
naked for over a week
that’s where I found a place
only the truly abandoned seek

then there was Mrs. Rutherford
in her foster home I landed
she reinforced your message
another gift I was handed

she scared me to death
when she said I’d be diced
then placed in the disposal
while she preached about Christ

my mantra that night
I remember too well
nobody loves me…nobody loves me
my 8 year old living hell

Then I heard Gods voice
so loud it stopped my tears
saying listen to me dear child
I’ll love you through all your years

Gods gifts are mysterious
all paths are divine
each has their own road
but I love mine!